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Monday, February 28, 2011

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Punctuation is Powerful

An English professor wrote the words : "A woman without her man is nothing"

on the board and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.

All of the boys in the class wrote : "A woman, without her man, is nothing."

All the girls in the class wrote : "A woman: without her, man is nothing."

To conclude, Punctuation is Powerful ..............

Six Principles for Teaching English Language Learners in All Classrooms
Adult English Teacher Costume (Size: Standard)

Monday, February 14, 2011

How to make a woman happy

To make a woman happy ..... A man only needs to be:

1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

44. Give her compliments regularly
45. Love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. Not stress her out
49. Not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

50. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

53. Never to forget:
* Birthdays
* Anniversaries
* Arrangements she makes
&
 
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:

1. Leave him alone

Dedicated to True Lovers!!!

Whenever I Walk alone, I feel she's walking with me and asking me to hold her hand,


Whenever I sit to study, I feel that she is gazing at me and giving a cute smile, encouraging me to study more,


Whenever I drive, I feel she is sitting  behind me and giving me a tight hug,


Whenever I gaze moon, I feel she is doing the same and missing me very badly.



Whenever I get up in the morning, I feel that she was sitting besides me the whole night and was lost in me till i got up

This is amazing Feelings which only comes you fall in Love....

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Arms of a beautiful woman



A popular speaker Said: "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a beautiful woman who wasn't my wife!" Audience was shocked. The speaker added: "that woman was my mother!" (Laughter and Applause)
 
 
 
A listener tried it at his home. He said loudly to his wife, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a very beautiful woman who was not my Wife!" Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second Half of the joke, he finally said "...and I can't remember who she was!" and he regained his consciousness in a hospital bed. Moral: Don't Copy if you can't Paste!

Friday, February 11, 2011

Who should I marry?

A young man went to his father one day to tell him that he wanted to get married. His father was happy for him. Cheerfully, he asked his son who the girl was, and the young man told him that it was Samantha a girl from the neighborhood.

With a sad face the old man said to his son, "I'm sorry to say this son , but I have to. The girl you want to marry is your sister, but please
don't tell your mother." The young man again brought three more names to his old man, but ended up more frustrated cause the response was still the same.

So he decided to go to his mother. "Mama I want to get married but all  the girls that I love, dad said they are my sisters and I mustn't tell you."

His mother smiling said to him,"Aagh! Don't worry my son, you can marry any of those girls.You're not his son anyway, but please don't tell your father."  
 

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Before marriage


Before the marriage




He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Yes!
She: Will you hit me?
He: No way! I'm not such kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.



Now after the marriage you can read it from below to up !!!! 

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

Why WOmen Cry..........


A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?" "Because I'm a woman," she told him.

"I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will."
  "All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.

Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, "God, why do women cry so easily?"
 
God said:

"When I made the woman she had to be special.

I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world,

yet gentle enough to give comfort.

I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.

I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.

I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed."

"You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides."
                                                                               
Please send this to five beautiful women you know today. 

 You will boost another woman's self-esteem! 

Send it to every man, so he can understand!

Monday, February 07, 2011

What Did Eve Say....



Little Margaret was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class.

One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was napping, "Tell  me, Margaret, who created the universe?"

When Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

"God Almighty!" shouted Margaret and the Nun said "Very good" and Margaret fell back asleep.

A while later the Nun asked Margaret, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" But, Margaret didn't even stir from her slumber.

0nce again, little Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.

"Jesus Christ!" shouted Margaret and the Nun said "Very Good" and Margaret fell back asleep.

Then the Nun asked Margaret a third question.

"What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?"

Again Johnny came to the rescue.

This time Margaret jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing  in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"

The Nun fainted. 

Sunday, February 06, 2011

Different types of Marketing


1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to 
her and say: "I am very rich. 
"Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing... "



2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a 
gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and 
pointing at you says: "He's very rich. 
"Marry him." -That's Advertising. .."



3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to 
her and get her telephone number. The next day, you 
call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. 
"Marry me - That's Telemarketing. .."



4. You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up 
and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour 
her a drink, and say, "Marry Me?" - That's Public Relations... " 



5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks 
up to you and says:"You are very rich! 
"Can you marry ! me?" - That's Brand Recognition. .."



6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to 
her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you 
a nice hard slap on your face. - "That's Customer Feedback..."



7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to 
her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she 
introduces you to her husband. - "That's demand and supply gap..."



8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to 
her and before you say anything, another person come 
and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she 
goes with him - "That's competition eating into your market share..."



9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to 
her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your 
wife arrives. - "That's restriction for entering new markets..."


Saturday, February 05, 2011

Engineer v/s Management

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost.

She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am."

The man below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am", replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well, answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything you've delayed my trip even more."

The man below responded, "You must be in management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "You don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems."

Friday, February 04, 2011

Husband store


A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband.  Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit  the store ONLY ONCE !

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the  shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . . .. you  may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you  cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband .

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord. 

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love  kids.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely 
good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead
good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead 
gorgeous, help with the  housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth  floor and the sign
reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this 
floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to
please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit
the building, and have a nice day!

Please share this to all men for a good laugh and to all the women who can 
handle the truth.........

Always allow the bosses to speak first.


A Junior Software Engineer, a Senior Software Engineer and their Project Manager were on their way to a meeting. On their way through a Park, they came across a wonder Lamp. 

They rub the Lamp and a Ghost appeared.

The ghost said, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each".

So, the eager Junior Software Engineer shouted - I want the First Wish. I want to be in the “ Bahamas , on a fast boat and have no worries” -………. "and he was gone.


Now the Senior Software Engineer could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be in “ Florida with plenty of food and cocktails” –……………. "and he was also gone. 



The Project Manager calmly said,…….." I want these two idiots back in the Office after lunch at 2.00 pm"

It's a murder of English language.

See , How people write Leave Applications. It's a murder of English language.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
An employee applied for leave as follows:
 

"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave."
 
 
Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:

"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."
 
Employee applied for leave as follows:
As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."

Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I have to go to the cremation ground at 10 o’clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Incidents of a leave letter:


"I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday."
 



·A leave letter to the headmaster:

"
As I am studying in this school & I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"
 


·Another leave letter written to the headmaster:

"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."
 
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

·Letter written for application of leave:

"My wife is suffering from sickness. As I am her only husband at home, I may be granted leave".
  

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