What do u call a woman in heaven?

What do u call a woman in heaven?

An Angel.

A crowd of woman in heaven?

A host Angels.

And all woman in heaven?





  




PEACE ON EARTH! :P

Tum mere pyar mein itna gir jaaoge kabhi socha na tha....

Dear Rupee,

Tum mere pyar mein itna gir jaaoge kabhi socha na tha!!!

Yours Dollar....

Do you know the meaning of WIFE

Husband asks,

Do you know the meaning of WIFE??

It means...

Without Information Fighting Everytime!

WIFE says No,

it's - With Idiot for Ever!

BOSS & I

When I Take a long time to finish, I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough

When I don't do it, I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it, he is busy,

When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart,
When my boss does the same, he takes the initiative,

When I please my boss, I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss, he is cooperating,

When I make a mistake, I' am an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake, he's only human.
 

When I am out of the office, I am wondering around.
When my boss is out of the office, he's on business.

When I am on a day off sick, I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.

When I apply for leave, I must be going for an interview
When my boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked

When I do good, my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong, he never forgets

A romantic dinner...

Women Friends chatting in office.


First Woman: I had a fine evening, how was urs?


Second Woman : it was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes and fell asleep in two minutes.



How was urs?


First Woman : Oh, it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale!



At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.


First Husband : How was ur evening?


Second Husband : Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell asleep. It was great!


What about you?


First Husband: It was so horrible.

I came home, there's no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour; and when we got home remember there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house!

After all, I was so aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another one hour !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Your Time Starts Now...

 Your Validity of being my friend is going to be expired today. 
Plz recharge  Ur friendship immediately by delivering 4-5 sweet and cool msgs now, your time starts now...

Want to buy this Saree!!

Lady : The design of the sari is excellent. But the color is not good.

Salesman : Don't worry mam. The color will disappear after the first wash.

I am not a Fool

Conductor : Why are you getting an extra ticket?
Passenger : If I lose one ticket, the other would save me.
Conductor : What would you do if you lose both?
Passenger : I am not a fool. I have my bus pass.

Make your anger so expensive

Make your anger so expensive that no one can afford to buy it from U

& 

make UR Happiness so cheap that everyone gets it freely From U..

The Love asked To Death!!

The Love asked to Death:.... Why do people like me and hate you????

 Death Replied to Love: ......"Because you are a Lie and I am "Truth"....

How to Create d Biggest Doubt in ur Wife's Mind 4 u?

How to Create d Biggest Doubt in ur Wife's Mind 4 u?
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Just Suddenly send her SMS Saying..

"I Luv u too"
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GAME OVER.!

Pain and Rain!!!

Pain and rain have a strong bonding,   when you R in deep pain, U cry looking @ rain.. & when you see Rain, You miss your Loved one's & Feel the same Pain.

The Reason is Tension and not Intention..

When i commit mistake or hurt you,

You should have the faith

that the wrong was 

only in Tension and not Intention..

I know this useless clock is always slow!!!

Wife to Husband: “A great disaster was averted today. When my mother was passing from below the clock, it fell. Had she been late by a few seconds, it would have fallen on her & she would have got injured”.
Husband: "I know this useless clock is always slow!!"

I just wanted to show you what happens to a man who doesn't smoke, drink or gamble."

There was a rich man who was approached by a poor beggar asking for food.

The rich man asked, "Do you smoke? I could give you some cigarettes."

The beggar responded, "No, I don't. I am just hungry and want food."

Then the rich man asked, "Do you drink? I have a bottle of good whiskey I could give you."

The beggar replied, "No, I don't drink. I am just hungry and need food."

Finally the rich man asked, "Do you gamble? I could give you some good tips on the races this weekend."

The beggar again replied, "No. I am just hungry and want some food."

Finally the rich man said, "Well, in that case, I had better take you to my home."

He invited the beggar into his car and drove him to his very substantial home. There, he introduced the beggar to his wife, who asked, "What are you going to do with this man?

Are you going to invite him to live with us, eat our food, and wear our clothes?

"The man replied, "No, of course not. I just wanted to show you what happens to a man who doesn't smoke, drink or gamble."

Wife hints for a new car!!!

Wife hints to Husband for a new Car!!!!

Honey, Buy me something that goes from 0 to 80 in three seconds when i am on it....

Husband Gifted her!!!!

A "Weight Machine"

You are an auditor.....

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. 

The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie gets out and asks the shepherd, 'If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?' 

The shepherd looks at the young man, then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies, 'Okay.'

The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Website, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms and pivot tables. He then prints out a 150-page report on his high-tech mini-printer, turns to the shepherd and says, ''You have exactly 1,586 sheep.' The shepherd cheers, 'That's correct, you can have your sheep.'

The young man takes one of the animals from the flock and puts it in the back of his Porsche. The shepherd looks at him and asks, 'If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?' The young man answers, 'Yes, why not?' The shepherd says, 'You are an auditor.' 'How did you know?' asks the young man. 'Very simple,' answers the shepherd.

'Firstly, you came here without being wanted.
Secondly, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew.
Thirdly, you don't understand anything about my business.....
Now can I have my dog back? '

Arrange Marriage is like......

Arrange Marriage is like while U R walking Unfortunately a snake bites you. 

But love marriage is dancing in front of the snake and keep saying..... bite, bite....

Boys need strict parents......

My nights are going sleepless

My nights are going sleepless, my days are going useless. So I asked GOD, "is this love?". GOD replied, "no dear, result is near".

You R the one!!!

You R the one who is CHARMING, U R the one who is INTELLIGENT, U R the one who is CUTE, and I am the One who is spreading these RUMORS.

When I was in school....

When I was in school, some one stole my rough note book, Now they call it as

"Oxford Dictionary"

Crazy People!!!

No Claps Plz!

I don't like Publicity :-p

Awesome Love Story.....

A gal n boy loved each other a lot.. 


Gal always said: "My heart is always with you! I'm Living without a Heart"....


After some days, girl said she can't marry him, coz her family disagreed..


Boy said:okay, i will follow what you say, as i want, you should always be happy..


Later gal got married n was looking thru gifts. She came across a gift and starts crying. It was the boys real Heart packed in a Jar!!!
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Climax: Ladke ne sucide kiya ya usa murder hua???






Kyunki agar suicide kiya, toh Heart  pack Kisne Kiya?????












Janne ke Liye Dekhiye.........




CID




Mon-Fri 6am, 9am, 12Pm, 4Pm 11PM..

Define Facebook????

Define Facebook????

A place where boys post a joke, there is no response.. 

lol

But

When Girl post the same joke she get 30 likes, 

25 comments, and

 9 friends requests....

Baba Ramdev Says.....

Baba ramdev says: Kala dhan vaps lao..

Kya aap jante hain 400 lakh crore agar vapas aayenge to kya hoge...

..

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..

..

1. Bharat financially number 1 benga..

2. Ek jile ko 60 hajar crore aur ek gaon ko 100 Crore

3. So sal tak kisi bhi tarh ka TAX nai dena padega..

4. Petrol Rs.25, Disel Rs.15, CNG Rs.150

Dal Rs.20, Milk Rs. 8

5. Light ka Bill nai dena hoga

6. Bharat ke border charon tarf se china wall se bhi zyeda strong ban jayega

7. Pure desh mein 1500 oxford jaisi University khul jayengi

8. 28000km ki rubber road (as in Paris) taiyar ho jayegi

9. 2000 hospitals (inc. all facilities)

10. Aur 95 crore logon ke pas apna ghar....

Ghuma dalo is msg ko itna ke khud Sarkar Ke pas pahunch Jae....

Go India Go...

Reason Explained by boy after Breakup!

Reason Explained by boy after Breakup: 

Agar wo jaan bhi maang leti to hans ke de deta......

 Par Kambakht 

ne 

Facebook

ka 

password

maang

liya!!!

Any suggestions!!!

God: I am making boys with Hi-tech features, any suggestion???

Girl: Yes.. 

The heart should be "password protected" 

to avoid multiple users... ;-)

If feelings are true!!!

Distance never spoils any relation...

Time never builds any relation

If feeling r true 4m heart,

then relations are always as bright as diamonds..

Love & Care!!!

 

Love and care r like gifts,

If U receive it, open & appreciate it,

If you don't receive, don't worry,

someone, somewhere is still wrapping it for you..

Love and fight!!

Love and fight are part of life, there should be fight to make your love more deep, becoz when you fight you come to know how much you miss the person you really Love.

Why Ambulance is White!!!

Why Ambulance is White!!!

 Ambulance has oxygen cylinder,

Oxygen is a gas, Gas is used for cooking Food,

 Food is Source of vitamins we get Vitamin D from Sun,

Sun produces light, Light comes from bulbs,

Small Bulbs are used in decorate Christmas tree,

Christmas means Gifts, Gifts are given by Santa,

Santa lives in North Pole, North Pole is the house of polar Bears

Polar Bears are white!!!

That's why ambulance is white :-D

Tomorrow i will tell you why taxi is yellow :) :-P :-D

Use words Correctly!!

Terok Singh was traveling in a crowded bus. He was carrying the passport size photograph of his son (for college admission).?



Accidently,the photograph fell down from his pocket. He started searching for it frantically & found it on the floor, below the ends of a woman's saree.



He asked her "Can you lift that saree? I wanna take photograph"



The rest is history. He was beaten so badly that he had to be admitted to hospital. He was surprised to see Butol Singh on the bed next to him, in a worse condition. Butol explained what happened to him.



He had gone to a remote village to work. He finished late and missed the last bus. He couldn't find any hotel.

So he approached a nearby house and asked the Owner whether he can stay there for the night. The Owner replied "I have 2 grownup  daughters.?

Sorry, I can't allow you to stay".

He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for the night. The Owner replied," I have 3 grown up daughters.? Sorry, I can't allow you to stay".  He went to the next house and asked:" Do you have "grown up" daughters?".? The Owner asked,"WHY?????????" Butol replied, " I wanted to stay here for a night....." The rest is history.



THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS "WORDS GET YOU INTO DEEP TROUBLE IF YOU DON'T USE IT CORRECTLY."

Best sms of 1947.

Best sms of 1947....

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Tab MOBILE Tha Kya...??

Kabhi to apne dimag ka Istemal kiya karo!

I'm moving permanently !!!

 

 

I'm moving permanently to Delhi

I don't know for how long????

 

 

 

I'll give you my new number.

 

 

Hope to see you before I leave.....

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have no Choice......

 

 

 

 

They have Chosen me...

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As the Next President..:)

 

Who gets more angry!!!

In a Classroom:
Girl: who gets more angry boys or girls????

Boy: Girls only!

Girl: How!

Boy: If i kiss you, you get angry but when you kiss me i don't get angry!!!

   

Forward this to whom you care!!!

Don't eat Fruit and Nut or any Cadbury Products specially Silk,

Because

It will cause you Severe Stomach Pain

when you eat them without ME. 

World in your feet!!!

You can impress anybody by

Your  Talent

Style

Smartness

and if that is not enough then tell them

"You are my friend"

beta duniya kadmo me hogi.

Love Letter V/s Exam Paper

Love Letter

A thousand thoughts which are so tough to put into words

Exam Paper

A thousand words to write which we can't even think of

6 birds!!!

Six birds were sitting on a tree

A hunter saw that n shot over the tree

five birds flew away,

but one lady bird kept sitting (confused)

why

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Bas nakhre (lol)

If you care for me

If you care 4 me-I care 4 U.

U Miss me- I miss U

U msg me - I msg U

U angry - I angry

U 4gt me-

Na Munna Na

FIR TO GOLIYA CHALENGI