Who should I marry??

A young man went to his father one day to tell him that he wanted to get married. His father was happy for him. Cheerfully, he asked his son who the girl was, and the young man told him that it was Samantha a girl from the neighborhood.

With a sad face the old man said to his son, "I'm sorry to say this son , but I have to. The girl you want to marry is your sister, but please
don't tell your mother." The young man again brought three more names to his old man, but ended up more frustrated
cause the response was still the same.

So he decided to go to his mother. "Mama I want to get married but all
the girls that I love, dad said they are my sisters and I mustn't tell you."

His mother smiling said to him,"Aagh! Don't worry my son, you can marry
any of those girls.
You're not his son anyway, but please don't tell your father."  

THE PROBLEMS WITH "HE" AS THOUGHT BY "SHE"

If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;
If u Don't, he says u are PROUD.


If u DRESS Nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him;
If u Don't, he says u are from VILLAGE.


If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN ;
If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS .


If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE;
If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT.


If u don't Love him, he tries to POSSESS u;
If u Love him! , he will try to LEAVE  u.(very true huh?)


If u don't MAKE LOVE with him., he says u DON'T LOVE him;
If u DO!! He says u are CHEAP.


If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROUBLESOME;
If u DON'T, he says that u don't TRUST him.


If u SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him;
If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.


If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;
If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.


If u SMOKE, u are BAD girl;
If he SMOKES, he is GENTLEMAN.


If u do WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK;
If he does WELL, it's BRAIN.


If u HURT him, u are CRUEL;
If he HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!!

Jokes and Funny Sms

Tooth Pulling

Dentist: I have to pull the aching tooth, it will take just five minutes.
Patient: And how much will it cost?
Dentist: It's $99.
Patient: $99 for just a few minutes work???
Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you like.

~~~~~~~~~

A new client meets a famous lawyer.

Client: Can you tell me how much do you charge?
Lawyer: I charge $200 to answer three questions!

Client: Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?
Lawyer: Yes it is, and what's your third question?

~~~~~~~~~

The Difference Between Dogs and Cats

A dog thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house, and take good care of me ... They must be gods!

A cat thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house and take good care of me ... I must be a god!

~~~~~~~~~

A young woman who was worried about her habit of biting her fingernails was advised by a friend to take up yoga. She did, and soon her fingernails were growing normally.

Seeing this, her friend congratulated her and said yoga had totally cured her nervousness. "No," she replied, "but now I can reach my toe-nails so I bite them instead.

Quotes about Wives

Famous Quotes about Wives
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.   That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette
********
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry
********
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi
********
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
********
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas
********
The great question... Which I have not been able to answer... Is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
********
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous
********
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henny Youngman
********
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison
********
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran
********
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray
********
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash
********
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Anonymous
********
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
********
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
********
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle
********
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Anonymous
********
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Friendship

• My words are few but my heart is true. Frnds i made but none as sweet as u. whn i got u, i got more than what i deserve. Thanks 4 ur frndship its very precious 

The last one was a duck..

A Man rang Labour Room of a hospital to know about pregnant wife.
In hurry, he wrongly dialed no. of cricket stadium
Man: How's it gng?
Reply: Fine, 4 r already out.
The last 1 was a duck.

Open eyes in every morning

When i open my eyes every morning
i pray to God that everyone
should have a friend like you....
Why should only i suffer!!!

when you feel lonely

When u feel lonely
and alone & cannot see any one around you,
the world seems to be fading away,
come along with me
I'll take u to an eye specialist!

sky is high..

No matter how high the sky is,
How deep the ocean is,
How strong the wind is,
How wide the river is,
I just want to tell YOU....
They're none of YOUR BUSINESS!!

When you are alone..

Whn u r alone,
Whn u r crying,
whn u r upset,
Don't think of me!!
just call me
Bcoz incoming
is free for me... my friend

Relationship is Like a book....

Relationship is like a book, it takes few seconds to burn, but it takes years to write.
So write carefully and never let it burn..

Are you sure?

Girlfriend: R U sure you love me and no one else?
Boy: Dead Sure I checked the whole list thrice yesterday.

Responsible Person for the Job..

Employer: For this job we need someone who is responsible.
Applicant: Then I am Prefect. On my last job, if anything went wrong, they said i am responsible.

Dismiss the cook..

Wife: If i dismiss the cook and make the food myself for a month what will you pay me.
Husband: I won't have to pay you, You will get my entire insurance amount.

Life Sometimes

Life sometimes takes unknown turn, don't be afraid to travel it.
someday that turn will take you to untouched heights on the top of the world

Efforts May Fail

Efforts May fail, but don't fail 2 make Efforts.
Great Things will Always come Late.
But you should move with time
There is no finish line to success

when you share

When you share ur self with others, life begins to find its meaning
The time you touch the lives of others is the moment u truly start living.

Rain Drops

Rain Drops never knows where they fall, but they create a chillness on the place they fall
B a rain drop n create happiness around every one.