ωσмєη ωιℓℓ вє ωσмєη...

A 54 yr old woman had a heart attack & was taken 2 the hospital. 

While on d operating table she had a near death experience.

Seeing God she asked Is my time up? God said No you have another 34 yrs 2 live.

Upon recovery, d woman decided 2 stay in d hospital & hv a face-lift, liposuction, & tummy tuck. She even changed her hair color  Finally she was released from the hospital. 

While crossing d road on her way home, she was killed by a truck.

Arriving in front of God, she asked,  You said I had another 34 years 2 live. 

Why didn't you save me from d truck?






 
(You'll love this)


God replied: 


"I didn't recognize you!=)) :D

How to kill a woman without any weapon?

  

Give her ARMANI dress,

DIAMOND jewelery

,MAC cosmetics,

LOUIS VUITTON bag,

GUCCI shoes 

n lock her in a room without mirror
TADAP TADAP K MAREGI.

Wedding speech from girl to her in laws:

 

My dear new family,

I thank u for welcoming me in my new house... 

Firstly I must tell u dat my presence here should not change ur life routines.

Those who used to do the laundry must keep on doing it...

Those cooking must keep cooking...

Those cleaning must keep cleaning...

I'll not-disturb any body's routine...

So far as I'm concerned, 

I'm here only to eat BUN, have FUN & entertain your SON.. !";):p

Agar boss ne tumhari leni hai....

Boss : There r 50 bricks on an airplane. If u drop 1 outside. Hw many r left?
Employee : That's easy,49.
Boss : What r d 3 steps to put an elephant into a fridge?
Employee : Open the fridge. Put the elephant in. Close the fridge
Boss : What r the four steps to put a deer
into the fridge?
Employee : Open the fridge. Take the elephant out. Put the deer in.
Close the fridge.
Boss : It's lion's birthday, all animals r there except one, why?
Employee : Because the deer is in the fridge.
Boss : How does an old woman cross a swamp
filled with crocodiles?
Employee : She jst crosses it bcz d crocodiles r at d lion's birthday
Boss : Last question.
In the end the old lady still died. Why?
Employee : Er....I guess she drowned?
Boss : No! She was hit by the brick fallen from the airplane.
U may leave nw..
Moral: Jitna marzi prepare karlo. Agar boss ne tumhari leni hai to leke hi manega :D

Horror story in 1 sentence..

 3 friends lived in a flat on 100th floor

One day lift was not working 

They decided to tell a story while walking upstairs

1st told a comic story till 50 floor,

2nd told a action story till 99th floor,

3rd told a horror story in 1 sentence

"I forgot the room keys in car"

:::: Height of Flirting ::::

Gal calls a boy :
Girl: Hello baby
Boy: Ohh janu bolo
Girl: Kahan ho yar subah se koi
ata pata nahi!
Boy: Are hum to khoye hue hain
aapki aankhon me..
Girl: Abhi kya kar rahe ho?
Boy: tumhari pic dekh raha hun,
kahin aur man hi nahi lag raha..
Girl: Maine to tumhe koi pic di hi
nahi!!
Boy: Are mere dil me chapi hai
barson se..
Girl: But hum to parson hi mile
hain!!
Boy: Tumhare bina har ek pal
barson hai Pinky......
Girl: Pinky??!! Ye pinky kaun hai ??
main to nisha hun!!
Boy: Tumse bat karke mai to sab
bhul jata hun..
Girl: Tum prashant ho na??
Boy: Gharwale to aseem bulate
hain, lekin wo galat ho sakte hain
tum nahi..
Girl: Ye 998XXXXXX hai na??
Boy: Ab tak nahi tha par ab se
yehi hai…

Jahan Matlab - wahan Dosti kahan

SUDAMA Ne Shri Krshna  Se Pucha

"Dosti Ka Asli Matlab Kya Hai? 

 

Shri Krishna ne Kaha

Jahan 'Matlab' hota he wahan

 

Dosti Kahan Hoti Hai..?

Why you cry again for same reason....

1 joker ne logo ko 1 joke sunaya to sab log bhut hasey.

Usne vhi joke dobara sunaya to kam log hase..

Usne vhi joke fir se sunaya to koi be nhi hasa..
.
Fir, usne 1 bhot pyari se baat boli ki, 

"Agar tum 1 khushi ko le kar bar-bar nahi khush ho skte

 to fir 1 gum ko le kar bar-bar kyo rote..

World in your feet!!!

You can impress anybody by

Your  Talent

Style

Smartness

and if that is not enough then tell them

"You are my friend"

beta duniya kadmo me hogi.:)))

Lie Detector

A man buys a lie detector robot which slaps people who lie. He decides 2 test it @ dinner. 

Dad: Son, where were u today during school hours?

SON: at School. Robot slaps son!

Ok,I lied, I went to the movies.

DAD: Which one?

SON: Toy Story. Robot slaps son again!

Ok, it was Bedroom Eyes. 

DAD: What?! When I was ur age,I didn't even know what films were.. Robot slaps Dad!

MOM: Ha ha! After all he's ur son. Robot slaps mom...!








Total Silence...

BBM status!!

If animals and insects have BBM, these are most likely to be their Status Updates :

COCKROACH: "Managed to skip from some one’s foot step.. Man, I lead a dangerous lifestyle!

Cat: "My 7th child is asking who is her dad. What shall I tell her??,I don’t even remember"....

Mosquito: "I am HIV positive.. this is all due to wrong sucking"

Pig: "Oh gosh they throw the gossips that I am spreading flu…WTF!! 

Goat : "Friends, don’t go out, Eid is coming soon..

Chicken: "If tomorrow there's no status update from my side, means I'm being served at KFC. 

Love you all "

Gabbar and Sambha Joke

Gabbar:- Kitne Admi the?

Sambha:- Sarkar 2.

Gabbar:- Mujhe ginti nahi ati, 2 kitne hote he??

Smb:- 2 1 ke Baad ata he.

Gab:- aur 2 k pehle??

Smb:- 2 k pehle 1 ata he.

Gabbr:- To bich me kaun ata he?

Samb:- Bichme koi nahi ata.

Gab:- To fir Dono ek sath Q nahi ate?

Smb:- 2 1 k bad hi aa sakta he Qki 2 1 se bada he

Gab:- 2 1 se Kitna bada he?

Samba:- abe oye goli marni h to mar de, tera namak khaya hai, chavananprash nahi :-))

Rocking question...shocking answer...

Lady on telephone:

Hello Sir, I want to meet & talk to you..

Man: do u know me..

Lady: Yes you are the father of one of my kids.

Man stunned,

Oh my God!

Are u Nisha?
No

Disha?
No

Maitri?
No

Anushka?

No

Mitali?

No

Vaishali?
No

Vijita?
No

Lady in confusion...

No sir i'm the class teacher of your son.. .

Funny interview with Santa!

Interviewer: Let me check ur English, tell me d opposite of good.?
Banta: Bad.

Interviewer: Come?
Banta: Go.

Interviewer: Ugly?
Banta: Pichhlli.

Interviewer: PICHLLI?
Banta: UGLY.

Interviewer: Shut Up.
Banta: Keep talking.

Interviewer: Ok, now stop all dis.
Banta: Ok, now carry on all dis.

Interviewer: Abey, chup ho ja..chup ho ja..chup ho jaa.
Banta: Abey bolta ja..bolta ja..bolta ja.

Interviewer: Arey, yaar.
Banta: Arey dushman.

Interviewer: Get Out.
Banta: Come In.

Interviewer: Oh my God.
Banta: Oh, my devil.

Interviewer: shhhhhhh
banta: Hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Interviewer: mere bap chup hoja
banta: mere bete bolta reh

Interviewer: U are rejected.
Banta: I m selected. Bolo ta ra ra ra ra.=)) =D

Height of MISUNDERSTANDING

Someone placed a bomb near lady.

Everyone around started yelling"Aunty bomb hai"
She smiled & said"Nahi re, ab pehli jaisi baat kaha"

What do you call couples after few years of marriage?

If newly wed couples are called
 

" Love Birds ",

What do you call couples after few years of marriage...
 

 Guess....

 

" Angry Birds " ....!!!!

WOMEN ARE STILL SHOPPING...

Man discovered COLORS and invented PAINT..
Woman got inspired from PAINT and invented MAKEUP..

Man discovered WORD and invented CONVERSATION..
Woman got inspired from CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP..

Man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD...
Woman got inspired from FOOD and invented DIET....

Man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE....
Woman got inspired from LOVE and invented LOVE TRIANGLES.

Man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY...
Woman got MONEY and started SHOPPING...

Thats it!
Thereafter, man has discovered and invented a lot of things... WHILE WOMEN ARE STILL SHOPPING.