Whom u like more mama or papa????

Papa- Whom u like more mama or papa?

Kid-Both

Papa- No tell me 1?

Kid- Both

Papa- If i go to America & Ur mother go to Paris Whr will u go?

Kid- Paris

Papa- It means u like ur mother?

Kid- No, coz Paris is beautiful than America

Papa- If i go to Paris & Ur mother goes to America so Whr will u go?

Kid- America

Papa- why?

Kid- Paris already visited with mom..

Papa- You are Rascal..

A man's Iphone 5 fell down the toilet...

A man's Iphone 5 fell down the toilet... 

He was devastated and started crying. .

Seeing his dismal state the toilet goddess came out with a golden I phone. .

The guy remembered the woodcutter story and trying to be modest said "I don't want this gold Iphone mine was a simple one" 

Hearing this the toilet godess smiled and said "Abey ghonchu ye wo hi hai. .. isko dho lena" (stupid, this is very same, just clean it)

New Meaning of Wife..

• SCHOOL :
  A place where Parents pay and children play.
• 
  LIFE INSURANCE :
  A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.
• 
  NURSE :
  A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.
• 
   MARRIAGE :
  It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters..
• 
  TEAR :
  The hydraulic force by which masculine Will power is defeated by feminine Water Power.

F A M I L Y

F A M I L Y
is one of the Sweetest words anyone can say, because the letters in it means.
"Father And Mother I Love You..!!"

Saale Meri Pehen Le Par Jaldi Jaa

Ek Moti Aurat Ne Chor Pakda Or Uske Upar Baith Gayi.
.
.
Aurat Apne Naukar Se-: Ja Police Ko Bula La.
.
.
Naukar-: Meri Chappal Nahi Mil Rahi.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Chor Chillaya-: Saale Meri Pehen Le Par Jaldi Jaa

I ate the ..........

Two lions escape from a zoo. One of the lions had been captured from the jungle, so he runs back to the jungle. The other was born in the zoo itself - so is basically a city-slicker. He vanishes into the city.

Three days later the jungle-lion is recaptured - and returned to the zoo. A month passes, then two, three..... but city-lion is not traceable! Finally, after six months later the city-lion is also recaptured and brought back to the zoo.

Jungle-lion is amazed to see his friend. Jungle-lion: For God's sake, how were you able to evade these guys for 6 whole months?!

City-lion: Kuchh nahi yaar! I just went to a government department, and hid behind a huge pile of dusty files that they have there.

Jungle-lion: But what did you eat there? City-lion: Arrey, there was an unlimited supply of govt servants. Whenever I ate one, they hired five more. Nobody did any work anyway, so nobody missed the ones I ate.

Jungle-lion: Wow! But, then how did you get caught?

City-lion: Galti kar gaya yaar... One day I ate the chai-walla. The whole office stopped working. They launched a massive hunt fr the Chaiwala. And I got caught!

'Use two hands, u can drink more!'

An farmer walking through his field notices a person drinking water from a pond, with his hand. 

 The farmer shouts, 'Arre baba, woh paani mat peena. Usme gayein or suwar sandas karte hai har roz !

The man shouts back, 'I'm a foreigner, I don't understand your bloody gibberish language Speak my language, you bloody idiot!'

 The farmer shouts back in foreigner language,  'Use two hands, u can drink more!' :p

Super Natural

It Happened in a Hospital that ICU patients died in the same bed every Sunday at 3PM.

Doctors thought it is something Super Natural.

Worldwide Expert team was formed to Investigate the cause.

Next Sunday,few minutes before 3PM , all doctors and; Nurses stood around date Bed and; Waiting to see what it was.


Then Suddenly GANGUBAI (Part time Sunday sweeper) Entered d ICU, unplugged d Life Support system of that Bed & then plugged her Mobile Charger..:=))

Read it wisely.....

 

Tinku 1 lecture attend karta hai.

Lec k baad usey bhook lagti hai, So he goes 2 d canteen.

Canten me tinku 1 pav leta hai. Jaise hi wo paav khane k liye uthata he to dekhta h k uski plate me JANNAT likha hai.

To ab aapko ye batana h k tinku k profesor ka naam kya hai ?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.
Ans-ISHQ KI CHHAON

kyuki

.
.
.
.
Jinke SIR ho ISHQ KI CHHAON

'PAV' k niche 'JANNAT' hogiiiiii...
Chal chayian chaiyan chaiyan chayian

 .


Disastrous tha na....!
Maine bhi jhela ! Y shd I suffer alone!

Power Of Wife.. 

Hubby :- Ye kyaa tum ek aur dress le aayi ? Abhi parso hee to...

Wife chilla kar boli :- Kyaa parso ? Bolo......Bolo kyaa kahaa tum ne ? Ruk kyon gaye ? Kyaa parso, Parso kyaa, Bolo jaldi
Jaldi bolo na Bataa-o kyaa parso ?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.


Hubby : Kuchh nahi, main bus yeh keh rahaa thaa ki parso bhi ek hee dress laayi thi pagli, aaj to do le aati.......

Mother vs Mother-In-Law(MIL)

Mother vs Mother-In-Law(MIL):

Mothers r upset if their call wakes u up
Mils r upset if they find u sleeping,

Mothers ask what u'll have for breakfast
Mils ask what u'll make for breakfast,

Mothers will hide ur faults
Mils will tell them to all,

Mothers will first ask about u,
Mils will ask about everything but not abt u.

Mothers r great at doing things 4 u,
Mils r great at delegating things to u,

Mothers will appreciate the little u do
Mils will complain about the little that's left to do.

Mothers r happy when u
buy something new
Mils will frown at every expense u do.

Phir kehti hain, muje MAA bulao

Galatiyon Se Juda Tu Bhi Nahi, Mai Bhi Nahi,

Galatiyon Se Juda Tu Bhi Nahi, Mai Bhi Nahi,
Dono Insaan hain, Khuda Tu Bhi Nahi, Mai Bhi Nahi ... !

" Tu Mujhe or Mai Tujhe Ilzaam Dete Hain Magar,
Apne Andar Jhankta Tu Bhi Nahi, Mai Bhi Nahi " ... !!

" Galat Fahmiyon Ne Kar Di Dono Mai Paida Dooriyan,
Warna Fitrat Ka Bura Tu Bhi Nahi, Mai Bhi Nahi " ... !!!

Apne Apne Raston Pe Dono Ka Safar Jaari Raha,
Ek Lamhe Ko Ruka Tu Bhi Nahi, Mai Bhi Nahi ... !!!!

" Chahte Dono Bohut Ek Doosre Ko Hain Magar,
Ye Haqiqat Maanta Tu Bhi Nahi, Mai Bhi Nahi " ... !!!!

Ping Pong Ball

One man had a child  year later - man asked the child-what to gift you?

child said ping pong ball

2'nd b'day- Father- what gift you want?

Son - ping pong ball

3rd b'day Father- what gift you want?

Son - ping pong ball

4th bday

Father- what gift you want?

Son - ping pong ball

5th bday

Father- what gift you want?

Son - ping pong ball

6th b'day

Father- what gift you want?

Son - ping pong ball

24th b'day

Father- what gift you want?

Son - ping pong ball

he got married

at honeymoon

Wife-what do u want?

Husband-ping pong ball

25th bday

Wife - what gift you want?

Husband-ping pong ball

26th bday

Wife - what gift you want?

Husband-ping pong ball

27th bday

Wife - what gift you want?

Husband-ping pong ball

his kids become 15 yrs old

40th bday

kids- Father what gift you want?

Father - ping pong ball

41st b'day

kids- Father what gift you want?

Father - ping pong ball

42nd bday

kids- Father what gift you want?

Father - ping pong ball

79th b'day

kids- Father what gift you want?

Father - ping pong ball

time for his death

all the people from whom he took ping pong ball

(Like his Wife, kids and all others) came to him and asked

Why did you ask for ping pong ball all the time?

He said give me a ping pong ball then I will tell you...

Then those people gave him a ping pong ball

He said when I will be extremely near to death then I will tell

During those last moments when he is about to die

everyone reached him and asked

tell us why did you ask for ping pong ball always?

he said.

I asked for a ping pong ball on my every b'day because....

....







....

And he DIED... BEFORE he could tell the Reason...

What a tragedyyy! What a tragedyyy!!!

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?

Now don't look at me like thissssssssssssssss..

Why should I suffer alone receiving this?

I am not the only one addicted to this...

Corporate Bhagwad Gita

Corporate Bhagwad Gita

Hey Employee,

|| Tum pichli late promotion ka paschatap mat karo ||

|| Tum Agli Promotion ki chinta bhi mat karo ||

|| Bus apni current posting se hi prassan raho |

|| Tum Jab nahin the tab bhi ye office chal raha tha ||

|| Tum jab nahin hoge, tab bhi ye chalta rehega |

|| Jo Laptop aaj tumhara hai, Kal kisi or ka tha ||

|| Parso kisi or ka hoga. Tum ise apna samaj kar magan ho rahe ho||

|| Yahi tumhare samast dukho ka kaaran hai. ||

||Appraisal, incentive, promotion increment ye shabd apne man se nikal do ||

|| Phir tum is office ke ho Aur ye office tumhara hai ||



A boy comes home crying from school

One day in Hyderabadi family...

A boy comes home crying from school.

Mom: Kaiku rora?

Son: Teacher maari merku.

Mom: Kaiku maari ?

Son: Mai usku murgi bola.

Mom: Arrey aisa kaiku bola re?

Son: Kaiku bole toh? ... har exam me ANDA deri merku!



Wonderful confession by a girl

 

Wonderful confession by a girl and amazing reply she got..

Girl: Dad I m in love with a boy who is far away from me. I am in india and he lives in UK. We met on matrimonial website,became friends on FB, had long chats on whatsapp, proposed each other on Skype, N now 2 months of relationship through Viber, I need ur blessings and good wishes ''oh daddy',

Her dad said : Now get married on Twitter, Have fun on tango, Buy your kids from eBay, Send them through Gmail, And if u r fed up with ur husband.

XOK" pe bech de "!!!

Next Gen KG Poem

Boy:"Ro kyu rahi ho.. ??.

Boy:"Ro kyu rahi ho.. ??.
Girl:"Mere marks bahot kam aaye hai...
Boy:"Bata kitne aaye hai.. ??.
Girl:"Sirf 88 % ..
Boy:"Khuda ka khauf kar ..
itne mein to 2 ladke pass ho jate hain.

Missing Wife Report

An engineer went to police station for filing report for his missing wife:

Engineer : I lost my wife (misty) , she went for shopping and still not reached home yet.

Inspector: What is her height

Engineer: I never noticed

Inspector: Slim or healthy

Engineer: Not slim can be healthy

Inspector: Color of eyes

Engineer: Never noticed

Inspector: Color of hair

Engineer: Changes according to
season

Inspector: What was she wearing

Engineer: Saree/suit/ I don’t remember exactly

Inspector: Was she going in a car ?????????

Engineer: yes

Inspector : tell me the number ,name and color of the car

Engineer: black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0 liter V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight- speed tip tronic automatic transmission with manual mode.
And it has full LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door …. And then the engineer started crying…..

Inspector: Don't worry sir, we will find out your CAR..

7 TYPES OF LADIES

Technically, There are 7 TYPES OF LADIES

1.HARD DISK lady: Remembers everything forever

2. RAM lady: Forgets about you the moment you turn off.

3. SCREENSAVER lady: just for looking 

4. INTERNET lady: Difficult to access

5. SERVER lady: Always busy when needed

6. MULTIMEDIA lady: Looks beautiful but u can only look.

7. VIRUS lady: Dis type of lady is normally called 'WIFE'.
Once enters your system, never leaves even if the system is formatted.

They all agreed that that was brilliant!

Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs were.

One man was an engineer, the second man was an accountant, the third man was a chemist, and the fourth was a government worker.

To show off, the engineer called to his dog. “T-square, do your stuff.” T-square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen, and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.

Everyone agreed that that that was pretty smart.

The accountant said that his dog could do better. He called to his dog and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff.” Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into four equal piles of three cookies each.

Everyone agreed that that was good.

The chemist said that his dog could do better still. He called to his dog and said, “Measure, do your stuff.” Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a ten-ounce glass from the cupboard, and poured exactly eight ounces without spilling a drop.

Everyone agreed that that was pretty impressive.

Then the three men turned to the government worker and said, “What can your dog do?”

The government worker called to his dog and said, “Coffee Break, do your stuff.” Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, claimed he had injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for worker’ compensation, and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.

 

That was brilliant, and all agreed.

 

Racism!

Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days.

In London: A customer asked, "Do you have "Sarson Da Tel???" (Mustard Oil)

The shopkeeper says "Are you a Sardar???"

The guy, clearly offended says,"Yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Olive Oil, would you ask me if I was Italian?

Or if I had asked for Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?


Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?

Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?

Or if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?

The shopkeeper says, "No, I probably wouldn't."

The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Sarson Da Tel (mustard oil), why did you ask if I am a Sardar???"

The shopkeeper replied, Because, you're in a "WINE SHOP !!!" :P


How dare you tell me that you found hair in a soup..

Your husband is very rich....

An old man from Pune is dying in the hospital and is surrounded by his two sons, daughter and his wife and a nurse.

Says to his eldest son:
- To you, I leave the Deccan Towers.

- To you, my dear daughter, I leave the apartments in the Koregaon Park Plaza.

- To you, my youngest son with a large future, I leave the City Center offices in Camp.

And you, my dear wife, the three residential buildings towers in Kalyani Nagar. 

The nurse, impressed, tells his wife: Madam, your husband is very rich. He is bequeathing many properties! You all are so lucky!!

And the wife retorts:

Rich??? Lucky???
Are you kidding me!!!?? Those are his routes where he delivers milk!!!

Question By A Student!!

Jis shiddat se maine kitaab Uthaane Ki Koshish Ki Hai...

Distance yourself from people..

When Your Wife Say : "I NEED TO TALK TO U...

 

 

When Your Wife Say :

"I NEED TO TALK TO U

SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT"...!!!

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.
 That One Sentence Has D Power 2 make U Remember

 Every Bad Thing

U Have Ever Done In Ur Life...!!! 

OH MY GOD......!

Why people hold on to memories...

Can't adjust with your wife anymore, I need my own...

An intelligent wife is one who spends so much that her husband can't afford another woman.
************************************************
Cool message by a daughter in law : Dear mother-in-law, "don't teach me how to handle my children, I'm living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement."
**************************************************
A kid was beaten by his mom.
Dad came home and asked, What happened son??
Kid said, can't adjust with your wife anymore, I need my own.?
**************************************************
In an African safari, a lion suddenly bounced on wife.
Wife: Shoot him! Shoot him!
Husband: Yes, yes. I'm changing the battery in my camera..
****************************************************
What is the difference between mother and wife?
One woman brings you into this world crying and the other ensures you continue to do so.
**************************************************