Marriage is only injury, where.......

Marriage is only injury where turmeric is applied before getting hurt.

Feelings ➡Heartless

Our Phones ➡Wireless

Cooking ➡ Fireless

Cars ➡Keyless

Food ➡Fatless

Tyres ➡Tubeless

Dress ➡Sleeveless

Youth ➡Jobless

Leaders ➡Shameless

Relationships➡Meaningless

Attitude ➡Careless

Feelings ➡Heartless

Education ➡Valueless

Mobile Aya➡Camera Khatam

Mobile Aya➡ Wrist Watch Khatam

Mobile Aya➡Torch Khatam

Mobile Aya➡Radio Khatam

Mobile Aya➡MP3 Khatam

Mobile Aya➡Letters Khatam

Mobile Aya➡Calculator Khatam

Mobile Aya➡Computer Khatam

Mobile Aya➡Sakoon Khatam

Aur agar apka “Mobile" ap ki Biwi ke haath aya to

aap "Khatam." 

.....

Badalti Duniya Ka aisa Asar Hone Laga, 

Aadmi pagalAur Phone Smart Hone Laga !

I don't know what to do??

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten Black and Blue.

Doctor:"What happened?

Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes

home drunk he beats me senseless. 

Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just drink some water and hold it in your mouth. hold it in but don't swallow until he goes to bed and is... asleep.

"Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I kept the water in my mouth. Hold it in till he sleeps, and he didn't touch me!"

Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps"..

Talk of the town

Mahesh Bhatt and Arnab Goswami in a conversation

Mahesh: My daughter is in a medical college

Arnab: What does she exactly study

Mahesh: She's not studying, they are studying her

++++++++++++++++++++

Einstein says - Be friends with Alia and feel like a genius all the time! 

++++++++++++++++++++

Alia on KBC

Q. Alia, which of the following is the largest?

A. A Peanut

B. An Elephant

C. The Moon

D. A Kettle

Alia: B. An Elephant

++++++++++++++++++++

Alia at a conference

Alia: No further questions please. I have already clarified Prithviraj Chauhan is not the President of India. It is Prithviraj Kapoor. 

++++++++++++++++++++

Alia in Arnab Goswami's studio 

Arnab Goswami: Alia, Who will win the elections?

Alia: Aam aadmi party because its 'aam' ka season

++++++++++++++++++++

Arnab: What is the Capital of India

Alia: I

+++++++++++++++++++

Alia on Koffee With Karan 

Karan: Why did you initially reject '2 States' before finally accepting it later?

Alia: I was told that the movie would be named '2 States', and I was like, look, lol I am not that dumb. I know there are three states - solid, liquid, gas. 

++++++++++++++++++++

Boman Irani asks Alia

Boman: Alia, are you chewing gum?

Alia: No, I am a human being

++++++++++++++++++++

Alia at a press conference 

Alia: As a child I was always fond of tall buildings

Journalist: Can you name some famous builders?

Alia : Bob The Builder

++++++++++++++++++++++

Alia on Koffee With Karan 

Karan: Alia, who was the first person to climb Mount Everest?

Alia: Simple, the person who made it. 

++++++++++++++++++++

Boman Irani asks Alia

Boman: Alia do you know MS office?

Alia: If you tell me the address I ll know. 

++++++++++++++++++++

Alia on Koffee With Karan (rapid fire)

Karan: Alia which food do you love the most

Alia: Desi

Karan: And which dish?

Alia: Pasta

++++++++++++++++++++

Alia applying lipstick to her forehead

Why?

Because someone told Alia to make up her mind

++++++++++++++++++++

Alia is so dumb that she thought Pani Puri, Sev Puri are all relatives of Amrish Puri

++++++++++++++++++++

Interviewer: Who is the national animal of India? Alia : Tiger Tiger Shroff: Aww :*

Source:
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/entertainment/hindi/bollywood/After-Tiger-Shroff-Alia-becomes-butt-of-jokes/photostory/34739981.cms

Women u know!

Police asked the Thief: Why u went to Steal 3 times in d Same Store?

The thief Replied: Sir, I Stole 1 Dress for my wife & went to Change It Twice!

Women u know.

Facebook Update.

Please Do Not Disturb me, I am Married and already very Disturbed!?

Husband:

I found Aladin's lamp today.

Wife: 

wow, what did u ask for darling??

Husband:

 I asked him to increase your brain ten times..

Wife: 

oh..jaan..luv u so much.. Did he do that??

Husband: 

He laughed and said multiplication doesn't apply on zero.

++++++++++++++++++++++

Ek Aadmi ne conductor se pucha: Aap kitne ghante bus me rehte ho ?

Conductor: 24 hours.

Aadmi: Wo kaise?

Conductor: 8 ghante city bus me, Baaki 16 ghante biwi ke "BASME".!

++++++++++++++++++++++

A man gifted his wife a diamond necklace for their anniversary and wife didn't speak to him for 6 months.

Was the necklace FAKE?

Nooooo! That was the deal :)

++++++++++++++++++++++

A couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. As the food was served, the husband said, "the food looks delicious, let's eat."

Wife: honey.....you say prayer before eating at home.

Husband: that's at home sweetheart......here the chef knows how to cook.

++++++++++++++++++++++

Best Slogan on a MAN's T-Shirt :

"Please Do Not Disturb me, I am Married and already very Disturbed"

++++++++++++++++++++++

Bhakt: Swami ji, aisi Patni ko kya kahte hai jo Gori ho, Lambi ho, sundar ho, Inteligent ho, Pati ko samjhe, Or kabhi jhagda n kare?

Swami: Mann ka Vaham kahte hain Beta, Mann ka Vaham!!!!

++++++++++++++++++++++

Shortest Joke !

Santa: meri biwi jawaan hai.

Banta: toh border pe bhej de.

We are back..

A Sardar went to a bank to open a S.B. A/C.

After seeing the Form he went to Delhi for filling it up.

You know why?

Form said: 'Fill Up In Capital.'

+++++++++++++++++++++

Sardarji standing below a tube light with open mouth.

Why?

Because his doctor advised him: 'Today's dinner should be light !'

++++++++++++++++++++++

1 sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college.

You know why?

Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking.

++++++++++++++++++++++

Santa! Your daughter has died!

Depressed, Sardar jumps from 100th floor.

At 50th floor he remembers I don't have a daughter!

At 25th floor he remembers I'm unmarried!

At 10th floor he remembers I'm Banta not Santa!

++++++++++++++++++++++

On romantic date sardar's gf asks him:

'Darling! On our engagement will you give me a ring?'

He said: 'Sure ! What's your phone no.?'

++++++++++++++++++++++

Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever.

What will come first, chicken or egg?

Oye Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.

++++++++++++++++++++++

Teacher told all students to write an essay on a cricket match.

All were busy writing except one Sardarji

He wrote:'Due To Rain, No Match!'

++++++++++++++++++++++

What does a sardar do after taking a Xerox?

He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.

++++++++++++++++++++++

Why can't sardars dial Nine-Eleven (911) at emergency?

They cannot find the eleven on the phone.

++++++++++++++++++++++

Sardar & wife buy coffee in a shop.

Sardar: Drink quickly before it gets cold.

Wife: Why?

Sardar: Hot coffee $5 and cold coffee $10.

++++++++++++++++++++++

Sardar at an Art Gallery : I suppose this horrible luking thing is what you call modern art?

Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror! 

++++++++++++++++++++++

What happens when a Sardarni delivers twins???? 

The Sardar does not sleep whole night, thinking who is the father of second child...

+++++++++++++++++++
Santa at its best- Public Toilet me Likha Tha DUNIYA Chand pe Pahunch Gai or tu Yahi Betha he?


Santa ne niche Likh diya- Bas Dho ke ja raha hun..
Wahan pani nahi hai na..:)